Anteater

to the tune of "Maneater"
by Nelly Furtado

This video is slightly off from the mp3 version I used to write the parody. That's okay though because this video is hilarious.


Anteater
My fav'rite female thinks I'm yummy
I walk in the door, she wants to tongue me.
And it's not just me who's got the luck now
Ev'ryone in here could get a suck now
If you're alone with her in the backroom,
She will latch onto you like a vacuum
But before you get down on your knees knees,
I think you're thinkin' of the wrong species

She's an anteater
not an aardvark
here's the hard part
it's the snout that makes the diff.
She's an anteater
hide your ant farm
think she can't harm
it? You're wrong. And it's when, not if.
She's an anteater
weirder features
than most creatures:
platypus or a buffalo
She's an anteater
Friends of her might
Eat some termites
Stick a long tongue down the hole

Now when you walk into a pet shop,
Don't ask at the counter, you can't get one.
I know I said the animal's erotic,
But like a dancer, this pet is exotic.
And once you find one, you don't get a little kiss
You! get all slobbered by her proboscis!
She's doing all these things to keep you on your toes
Because I'd say she loves your, loves your long nose.

She's an anteater
not an aardvark
here's the hard part
it's the snout that makes the diff.
She's an anteater
hide your ant farm
think she can't harm
it? You're wrong. And it's when, not if.
She's an anteater
weirder features
than most creatures:
platypus or a buffalo
She's an anteater
Friends of her might
Eat some termites
Stick a long tongue down the hole

(singer sticks out tongue like he's an anteater)
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
(singer reaches behind him)
(uh weuh weuh weuh) AAAAaaaaaAAAA.
(singer pulls out raisins and peanut butter on celery)
(sticks out tongue as if eating raisins)
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull

She's an anteater
not an aardvark
here's the hard part
it's the snout that makes the diff.
(as this chorus goes on, dance becomes jerkier and more spasm-ridden)
She's an anteater
hide your ant farm
think she can't harm
it? You're wrong. And it's when, not if.
She's an anteater
Make you freeze up,
Make you seize up,
make you fall down to the floor
(singer does)
She's an anteater
You don't look good
Maybe we should
Not be doing this any more.

I swear I thought it'd gotten better by now
I do not want to have another right now
Nelly Furtado is to blame, 'cause, let's see,
Her dancing looks too much like epilepsy
Sorry I'm bitter, but that didn't feel nice.
Well maybe I should seek a medic's advice.
I definitely need a medic's advice.
I'll go right now to get a medic's advice.

She's an anteater
not an aardvark
here's the hard part
it's the snout that makes the diff.
She's an anteater
hide your ant farm
think she can't harm
it? You're wrong. And it's when, not if.
She's an anteater
weirder features
than most creatures:
platypus or a buffalo
She's an anteater
Friends of her might
Eat some termites
Stick a long tongue down the hole

Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull
Uh llleh-ull llleh-ull llleh-ull

The Fandom Menace

It's my birthday, so a special parody today:
a parody of one of Weird Al Yankovic's original songs.
Yes, the ultimate parodic incest. And yet...

to the tune of "My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder"
by Weird Al Yankovic



The Fandom Menace
NOTE: In the chorus, the word "the" is emphasized and pronounced "thee".

Oh, my baby, my baby she don't want me no mo'
Ever since she saw him far away and long ago.
She says his light saber is cool and de-la-mode-ish
And he's so strong with the Force that you could almost call him Yodish.
Well, ask me if I care, I'll say I cannot be bothered.
But my girl loves the way he rasps out, "Hey, Luke, I am your father."

Well, my baby's in love with uh the Darth Vader
She's all crazy 'bout that crazy Darth Vader
She's out for my blood now so I guess I should evade her
'Cause my baby's in love with uh the Darth Vader.

Now, with that helmet on, you know he looks so bland
You'd never think that he'd just cut off his son's right hand
I mean sure, he's half-cyborg, and like father like son
But he's got far less morals than Attila the Hun.
But my girl can't get enough of his penchant for murder
Like he's some big iconic character, and I'm just a nerfherder

Well, my baby's in love with uh the Darth Vader
She'd crawl in a tonto with that weirdo Darth Vader
Endor was our Planet, but now it's just a crater
'Cause my baby's in love with
I said I said I said my baby's in love with uh the Darth Vader
Who even cares 'bout that stupid Darth Vader
They do say Sith Happens, so I guess I shouldn't hate her,
But my baby's in love with uh the Darth Vader

I knew we were headin' for disaster
When she caught me hangin' out with that Jedi master.
Now she's on some loony wacky kind of park ride
For the cold-blooded, fuddy-dudded, onyx-studded, stick-in-the-mud
Spokesman for the Emperor who turned them to the Dark Side.

Well, I can't kill a man just by squeezing my fingers,
And if I blow up a star system, the guilt really lingers,
And I don't sound asthmatic every time that I breathe,
(hhhhh, hhhhhh, hhhhh, hhhhhh)
But I know soon she'll be the one who'll grieve.
Yeah, well, let's just see how jealous she'll get
When I start stalking that cutie Boba Fett.

Well, my baby's in love with uh the Darth Vader
She's all crazy 'bout that crazy Darth Vader
She says she wouldn't leave him even if you paid her
'Cause my baby's in love with
I said I said I said my baby's in love with uh the Darth Vader
Not even Hayden Christensen, but just plain Darth Vader
I used to have sex with her, now I'm a masturbater.
'Cause my baby's in love with uh the Darth Vader.

Where Is My Dog?

Challenge from Matt:
"1. The parody of Blumchen's 'Heut ist mein Tag': 'Where is my dog?'
We (you) kept thinking about doing this, but never accomplished it."

to the tune of "Heut' Ist Mein Tag"
by Blümchen



NOTE: Throughout this music video, the singer should continue to --on fast forward-- run around her house and neighborhood looking for her dog. The entire thing should be done very surrealistically, as if the woman lived in one of those little kids' books with cardboard flaps you can pull open to see inside the barn or behind the bushes or whatever. You know, the ones with titles like "Are You My Mother?" or "Hide And Go Seek Kittens" or...

Where Is My Dog?

(Whenever stage directions are unavailable, imagine the singer either looking at what is being sung about, or else envision her looking all over the place for her dog)

...Where is my dog?

Where is my dog? (dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog?)

Look, this one hops, eats flies and ribbits.
No, that is a frog.
This one oinks and breastfeeds piglets.
No that is a hog.
This one built Abe Lincoln's housing.
No, that is a log.
This one leads by rabble-rousing.
That's a demagogue!

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (Where is my dog?)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Instrumental Break)
(Singer ransacks a neighbor's house)
(Singer digs through a dumpster)
(Singer interrupts a surgery to rummage around in the patient's chest cavity)
(Singer lifts her bangs and tries to search her own forehead)

Is he hiding in the laundry?
No, that is a skunk.
Is he there with Michel Gondry?
No, that is Daft Punk
Is he underneath this brick wall?
No, that is asphault.
Are those children playing kickball?
No, that's basketball!

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?

(Singer --in close-up-- is using telescope)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Singer --in time lapse-- lands on desert island and digs up beach under giant letter X, finds a tresuare chest, opens it, but inside are nothing but cats that escape)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (Where is my dog?)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Singer tries to do an all-animals Word Search)
(Singer searches a page from a Where's Waldo book)
(Singer tries in vain to pick her dog out of a lineup of six men in dog costumes)
(Singer looks under couch cushions in a department store)

Where is my do-o-o-o-o-og?
Where is my do-o-o-o-o-og?
Where is my dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog?

(Instrumental Break)
(Singer reaches to bottom of box of cereal desperately)
(Singer flails wildly in Chuck E Cheese ballpit as frightened kids scatter)
(Singer stands at Missing Person's desk at police station and sings right in the officer's face)
(Singer appears on the TV show Finders Keepers)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (Where is my dog?)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Singer gets lost in Hall of Mirrors)
(Singer --holding her breath-- looks wildly around underwater ship wreckage)
(Singer dangles informant by collar over the edge of a skyscraper)
(Singer runs through five-star restaurant's kitchen, looking under pot lids)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (Where is my dog?)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Instrumental Break)
(Singer spends entire last Instrumental in a pound, flinging puppies wildly around, as they are not her dog)
(Pan back, to show this on a closed-circuit security camera, and the Singer's dog is watching the feed, whining, and at last line puts his head to the ground and puts his paws on top of his eyes)

...Where is my dog?

The War On Scientology

Challenge from Joe Stuntman: "All the songs in your playlist sound like they could be parodies about Scientology." With that in mind, and with the current situation threatening the Church(as told by Warren Ellis + Update), I present:

to the tune of "Minority"
by Green Day



The War On Scientology

Anonymous called, "Hypocrisy!
We hate their ideology!
We will destroy their theology!"
Yeah, I'd hate to be Scientology.

They pledge allegiance to L. Ron Hubbard.
Their thetans rule their souls,
Their devotion is absurd.
They claim a jillion copies
of Dianetics sold.
E-meter tests
don't measure stress,
But that is Need To Know! HEY!

Here is the big thing that bothers me!
They've got the worst methodology.
I don't want a church that follows me,
But that's what you get with Scientology.

Here's Anonymous
with its Manifesto squeezed
into Youtube clips.
The Church can't be pleased
with
DENIAL OF SERVICE!

The Church...is doomed
Unless I miss my mark.
It serves them right for getting Isaac Hayes off of South Park.
They're creepy and they're kooky,
Their cause is without worth.
So please don't stall,
fuck 'em all;
It's Battlefield Earth! HEY!

Wreck the Church of Scientology!
They owe us all an apology;
They claimed spiritu'l technology,
But it's more like applied psychology! HEY!

(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)

You'll prank, you'll fax,
You'll hack the Church apart.
Maybe once you're done you'll say, "Well, that was a good start.
Now next up we'll kill Judaism, Christianity.
Religion, it's
Opiates!
We want you all drug-free!" HEY!

Soon, through osmotic virology,
We'll fall to Project Chanology.
But though we may lose our demographies,
It's worth the War On Scientology!

(We're at war with) Scientology!
(We're at war with) Scientology!
(We're at war with) Scientology!
We're at war with Scientology! HEY!