The War On Scientology

Challenge from Joe Stuntman: "All the songs in your playlist sound like they could be parodies about Scientology." With that in mind, and with the current situation threatening the Church(as told by Warren Ellis + Update), I present:

to the tune of "Minority"
by Green Day



The War On Scientology

Anonymous called, "Hypocrisy!
We hate their ideology!
We will destroy their theology!"
Yeah, I'd hate to be Scientology.

They pledge allegiance to L. Ron Hubbard.
Their thetans rule their souls,
Their devotion is absurd.
They claim a jillion copies
of Dianetics sold.
E-meter tests
don't measure stress,
But that is Need To Know! HEY!

Here is the big thing that bothers me!
They've got the worst methodology.
I don't want a church that follows me,
But that's what you get with Scientology.

Here's Anonymous
with its Manifesto squeezed
into Youtube clips.
The Church can't be pleased
with
DENIAL OF SERVICE!

The Church...is doomed
Unless I miss my mark.
It serves them right for getting Isaac Hayes off of South Park.
They're creepy and they're kooky,
Their cause is without worth.
So please don't stall,
fuck 'em all;
It's Battlefield Earth! HEY!

Wreck the Church of Scientology!
They owe us all an apology;
They claimed spiritu'l technology,
But it's more like applied psychology! HEY!

(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)

You'll prank, you'll fax,
You'll hack the Church apart.
Maybe once you're done you'll say, "Well, that was a good start.
Now next up we'll kill Judaism, Christianity.
Religion, it's
Opiates!
We want you all drug-free!" HEY!

Soon, through osmotic virology,
We'll fall to Project Chanology.
But though we may lose our demographies,
It's worth the War On Scientology!

(We're at war with) Scientology!
(We're at war with) Scientology!
(We're at war with) Scientology!
We're at war with Scientology! HEY!

Naked

to the tune of Fake It"
by Seether

Seether - Fake It

Naked
Who's to know if your boobs aren't real at all?
Present them and impress the world.
You'll lose your self-esteem along the way...ohwell!
Good god, you're bursting at the seams now!
Good god, why not take a bow?
Good god, fulfillin' all my dreams now!
You look so great, so strip yourself down! You're just...

Naked! If you want some affection.
Naked! Girl, it can't be wrong
to be Naked! Just show off your perfection!
Whoa-ho-ho, it's great for f*****g, isn't it?

You should know that your clothes won't hide your flaws.
Who cares about your shoulder mole?
Or that the carpet doesn't maaaatch...the drapes? Yeah.
Good god, you're curvier than esses!
Good god, don't be such a tease!
Good god, just rip up all your dresses
and panties, shirts, and cargo capris! And go...

Naked! Your entire complexion
Naked! I can see it all!
You're so naked! Going without protection:
Whoa-ho-ho, it's great for f*****g, isn't it?

Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
(sexy dance break)

Coed Naked Soccer! We. Don't. Use Our Hands!
Coed Naked Skiing! Slalom on the slopes!
Coed Naked Rockers! World's Most Uplifting Bands!
Coed Naked Tro-o-opes...

Who's to know when your looks will fade away
And little bits will start to sag?
Let's get the most out of you while we can! Yeah!
Good god, you're grinding with your hips now!
Good god, your junk in the trunk!
Good god, you're puckering your lips now!
If I may say: you really got spunk! when you're...

Naked! Ready for a beef injection?
Naked! Out-uendo's fun!
Yeah Naked! Can you feel my erection?
Whoa-ho-ho, it's great for f*****g, isn't it?

Naked! That's my own predilection.
Naked! Won't you come along?
And be Naked! It's Au Natural Selection!
Whoa-ho-ho, it's great for f*****g, isn't it?

Living To Be On Oprah

to the tune of "Living La Vida Loca"
by Ricky Martin

Ricky MartinLivin' La Vida Loca

Living To Be On Oprah
She's into new sensations.
She diets really well.
All through the nineties there were fluctuations,
But these days you can hardly tell.
She makes a ton of money,
sides with psychologists.
She'll mend your heart and she'll call you honey
almost enough to make you slit your wrists.

She is the greatest talk show host;
she always gets results.
She's better than Jerry Springer
'cause she rarely spotlights cults...
and her guests act like adults. Come On!

Her manners are sublime!
we're livin' to be on Oprah!
Her guests are on daytime
TV alongside Oprah.
They've done courageous feats,
and they never gave up hope-rah.
Now, they get discount suites;
They're livin' to be on Oprah, Come on!
Livin' out of a bag for Oprah!
They're livin' to be on Oprah.

Based in the Windy City,
she's always hard at work.
She'll take your hand, and she'll give you pity.
She founded the Oxygen Network.
And she's a huge philanthropist,
and she's a movie star!
Just look under your seats, and then
SHE-BANG, hey, there you are:
everybody gets a car! Come on!

A self-made billionaire;
You know you're not rich like Oprah.
But she'll pay you to care;
the audience wins on Oprah!
No guest may be a grouch;
you better learn to cope-rah.
Tom Cruise just broke her couch.
He's happy to be on Oprah. Come On!
Too happy to be on Oprah, Come on!
Far too happy to be on Oprah.

Well, all she has to do is cough,
and people start to clap.
The secret to The Secret is
that it's a load of crap...
Do I haaaave to draaaaw a map? Come On!

You scoff, but here's the thing:
you're livin' to be on Oprah.
You wish you were Gayle King.
(She probably sleeps with Oprah.)
Her magazine's called 'O'!
And her doctor's Deepak Chopra!
Backwards, her name's Harpo;
That's a Marxist theory 'bout Oprah!
This song is going still!
And now, here's a word from Oprah:
"I made you, Dr. Phil!
You're living because of Oprah.
I broke you, James C. Frey
And this is how small you broke-a!
< copy of "A Million Little Pieces" >
So tune in every day!
You're livin' to be on Oprah, Come On!
Livin' to be on Oprah, Come on!
You're livin' to be on Oprah."

Livin' livin' livin' to be on Oprah!
Livin' livin' livin' to be on Oprah!
Livin' livin' livin' to be!