Where Is My Dog?

Challenge from Matt:
"1. The parody of Blumchen's 'Heut ist mein Tag': 'Where is my dog?'
We (you) kept thinking about doing this, but never accomplished it."

to the tune of "Heut' Ist Mein Tag"
by Blümchen



NOTE: Throughout this music video, the singer should continue to --on fast forward-- run around her house and neighborhood looking for her dog. The entire thing should be done very surrealistically, as if the woman lived in one of those little kids' books with cardboard flaps you can pull open to see inside the barn or behind the bushes or whatever. You know, the ones with titles like "Are You My Mother?" or "Hide And Go Seek Kittens" or...

Where Is My Dog?

(Whenever stage directions are unavailable, imagine the singer either looking at what is being sung about, or else envision her looking all over the place for her dog)

...Where is my dog?

Where is my dog? (dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog?)

Look, this one hops, eats flies and ribbits.
No, that is a frog.
This one oinks and breastfeeds piglets.
No that is a hog.
This one built Abe Lincoln's housing.
No, that is a log.
This one leads by rabble-rousing.
That's a demagogue!

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (Where is my dog?)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Instrumental Break)
(Singer ransacks a neighbor's house)
(Singer digs through a dumpster)
(Singer interrupts a surgery to rummage around in the patient's chest cavity)
(Singer lifts her bangs and tries to search her own forehead)

Is he hiding in the laundry?
No, that is a skunk.
Is he there with Michel Gondry?
No, that is Daft Punk
Is he underneath this brick wall?
No, that is asphault.
Are those children playing kickball?
No, that's basketball!

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?

(Singer --in close-up-- is using telescope)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Singer --in time lapse-- lands on desert island and digs up beach under giant letter X, finds a tresuare chest, opens it, but inside are nothing but cats that escape)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (Where is my dog?)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Singer tries to do an all-animals Word Search)
(Singer searches a page from a Where's Waldo book)
(Singer tries in vain to pick her dog out of a lineup of six men in dog costumes)
(Singer looks under couch cushions in a department store)

Where is my do-o-o-o-o-og?
Where is my do-o-o-o-o-og?
Where is my dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog? dog?

(Instrumental Break)
(Singer reaches to bottom of box of cereal desperately)
(Singer flails wildly in Chuck E Cheese ballpit as frightened kids scatter)
(Singer stands at Missing Person's desk at police station and sings right in the officer's face)
(Singer appears on the TV show Finders Keepers)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (Where is my dog?)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Singer gets lost in Hall of Mirrors)
(Singer --holding her breath-- looks wildly around underwater ship wreckage)
(Singer dangles informant by collar over the edge of a skyscraper)
(Singer runs through five-star restaurant's kitchen, looking under pot lids)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (Where is my dog?)

Where is my dog?
Where is my dog?
Where is my dog? (my dog! my dog!)

(Instrumental Break)
(Singer spends entire last Instrumental in a pound, flinging puppies wildly around, as they are not her dog)
(Pan back, to show this on a closed-circuit security camera, and the Singer's dog is watching the feed, whining, and at last line puts his head to the ground and puts his paws on top of his eyes)

...Where is my dog?

The War On Scientology

Challenge from Joe Stuntman: "All the songs in your playlist sound like they could be parodies about Scientology." With that in mind, and with the current situation threatening the Church(as told by Warren Ellis + Update), I present:

to the tune of "Minority"
by Green Day



The War On Scientology

Anonymous called, "Hypocrisy!
We hate their ideology!
We will destroy their theology!"
Yeah, I'd hate to be Scientology.

They pledge allegiance to L. Ron Hubbard.
Their thetans rule their souls,
Their devotion is absurd.
They claim a jillion copies
of Dianetics sold.
E-meter tests
don't measure stress,
But that is Need To Know! HEY!

Here is the big thing that bothers me!
They've got the worst methodology.
I don't want a church that follows me,
But that's what you get with Scientology.

Here's Anonymous
with its Manifesto squeezed
into Youtube clips.
The Church can't be pleased
with
DENIAL OF SERVICE!

The Church...is doomed
Unless I miss my mark.
It serves them right for getting Isaac Hayes off of South Park.
They're creepy and they're kooky,
Their cause is without worth.
So please don't stall,
fuck 'em all;
It's Battlefield Earth! HEY!

Wreck the Church of Scientology!
They owe us all an apology;
They claimed spiritu'l technology,
But it's more like applied psychology! HEY!

(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)

You'll prank, you'll fax,
You'll hack the Church apart.
Maybe once you're done you'll say, "Well, that was a good start.
Now next up we'll kill Judaism, Christianity.
Religion, it's
Opiates!
We want you all drug-free!" HEY!

Soon, through osmotic virology,
We'll fall to Project Chanology.
But though we may lose our demographies,
It's worth the War On Scientology!

(We're at war with) Scientology!
(We're at war with) Scientology!
(We're at war with) Scientology!
We're at war with Scientology! HEY!

The All-New All-Different X-Chibi Part 3

It's been another year since Ted challenged me to recaption the X-Chibi.

And so, it's time for:

Another Original Strip and My Reworking (click image for larger version):

Impotence

First personal challenge of the new blog!
Challenge from Katie:
"Write one for Hemorrhage."

to the tune of "Hemorrhage"
by Fuel



Impotence
Don't get up, babe, we just lay down.
Maybe we could try...some role-play; that'd be cool.
Give it two or three more tries!
Please-don't sensationalize!
Don't you go texting: "He's got a little tool." Don't be cruel.

Don’t laaaaugh at me! It's just coincidence.
Don’t laaaaugh at me! My dick went limp, it's
Impotence! Impotence again.
My dick went limp, it's
Impotence! Impotence!
Enzyte's fading!

Oh holy hell; took three Viagras!
Why's this the only way...I can get it up?
Every time I've got to cheat--
Even jerking my own meat--
Or there'll be no skeet skeet.
Over and over I medicate, rinse, repeat

Don’t laaaaugh at me! Though I have no defense.
Don’t laaaaugh at me! My dick went limp, it's
Impotence! Impotence again.
My dick went limp, it's
Impotence! Impotence!
Enzyte's fading!

In my In-Box:
Spam to throw away!
Wait: 'Male Enhancement'? Don't mind-if-I do...
The South will rise agaaaaaaain!

Don’t laaaaugh at me! It's really quite immense.
Don’t laaaaugh at me! My dick went limp, it's
Impotence! Impotence again.
My dick went limp, it's
Impotence! Impotence again.
My dick went limp, it's
In my hands, in my hands again.
Oh-oh-oh-ohhhhhhhhhhh...

The All-New, The All-Different X-Chibi

My friend Sketch issued a challenge. I have answered it.

Original Comic...
and mine:


Original comic...
and mine:


And a third for luck:
Original comic...
and mine: