Silly Rabbit

Silly Rabbit
to the tune of 'Live Forever'
by Oasis



(fade in on Trix Rabbit in drag confronting kids in front of a minivan parked on the curb)

Hey, kids! I'm your friendly meter maid
And you underpaid.
You could pay me with some Trix.
Wait, kids. Don't give in to fear and doubt
When my ears pop out
God, I really need a fix.

The best breakfast that I've seen
Or'ngey or'nge and limey green
There is nothing I won't do
For you kids' wildberry blue
But you put me on the skids
You say Trix are just for kids
And I'm nothing but a silly Rabbit...

I said, Hey, kids!
I've been waiting in the park
Out here in the dark
For you guys to happen by
Wait kids! It's not creepy in the least
No need for police
...Give it here, and no one dies.

Now you run, oh that's just great
I will never eat at this rate.
You ask why I'm up in arms
It's revenge for Lucky Charms
Oh, I steal? Well you do too,
And plus I'm taller than you.
Why am I just the silly Rabbit?

(Scooby-Doo style chase around park as Rabbit tries all kinds of disguises to get the cereal from the kids, while the kids try to find a policeman)

Maybe I'm a cereal criminal
But it's gettin' dull
'cause I just wanna taste
Lately I've been pickin' up my checks
And no one suspects
That I might purchase a box.

Finally I get to try
Some new Trix that aren't a lie
Here we go, and not too soon
Chomping down on milk and spoon
What the hell, this tastes like shit
All these years, and this is it?
I don't want it now that I have it...
I'm such a silly rabbit...
Such a silly rabbit...
Such a silly rabbit...
Such a silly rabbit...
Such a silly rabbit...
Such a silly rabbit...

(final instrumental is police showing up as Rabbit destroys Trix display in anger, kids point him out in a lineup and Rabbit is carted off to jail where other cartoon cereal mascots are also imprisoned, including the Cookie Crisp Crook, Sonny the Cuckoo, Lucky, Barney Rubble and other enemies of breakfasting children everywhere. Close on shot of Rabbit in cell as meal is slid under the door...and it's a bowl of Trix.)

The Meat Debate

to the tune of "The Sweet Escape"
by Gwen Stefani (feat. Akon)



The Meat Debate
by Simon FitzKit (feat. Eitan)

(Munch, munch, much, munch...)
WOOhoo, YEEhoo
WOOhoo, YEEhoo
WOOhoo, YEEhoo
WOOhoo, YEEhoo

If I could eat steak,
I would, 'cause all these years, I've been cruel
I have been quietly eating my hummus, breaking your one rule
You told me, "Baby, I do not love you any more
'Cause you haven't once tried to be a carnivore
God, who orders a BLT minus the B-e-e-e?"

Well, I could eat steak,
And thus act like a better boyfriend again.
I wouldn't have to be a vegan
Forever; we could be together!
So tell me, girl, what if I eat meat?

If I could eat meat,
Would you rethink and be my girl?
I'd swallow and then try not to hurl
It's nyasty --Oops, I mean, it's tasty
But please just don't ask me, what's my beef?
(Meat debate, meat debate)

(WOOhoo YEEhoo) I wanna getta away, Get away...
(WOOhoo YEEhoo) From all this meat debate, This meat debate...
(WOOhoo YEEhoo) I wanna get away, get away....
(WOOhoo) Yeah-ah-ah (YEEhoo)

So I could try
to gobble down a breast or a thigh
Some tenderloin
Now there's a meaty meal I could join
Pork by the pound
I'd scarf it down to keep you around
Don't diss the salads I've downed.
Let's look for some common ground...

...round! Baby...back ribs shouldn't faze me
Though they were once named Daisy
Standing out in a field grazing
Smother it in some gravy
I don't need to be quirky
I don't wanna be jerky:
No more tofurkey

If I could eat steak
And thus act like a better boyfriend again.
I wouldn't have to be a vegan
Forever; we could be together!
So tell me, girl, what if I eat meat?

If I could eat meat,
I know I'd feel like a bad man
But if you ask me to, then I can.
Whatever. If that will make it better,
Then tell me, girl, why don't I eat meat?
(Meat debate, meat debate)

(WOOhoo YEEhoo) //puts a bite of steak in mouth//
(WOOhoo YEEhoo) (speaking through mouthful:) If I could eat steak...
(WOOhoo YEEhoo) (about to be sick:) If I could eat steak...
(WOOhoo) //spits it up// (YEEhoo)

But hey, on second thought maybe it wasn't this boy
Who's to blame for the strain that you've caused over soy
Maybe that's the reason I've been looking so gree-ee-een

If I could eat steak...
...Well, first of all, what'd that even change?
My moral system would be deranged
Forever. You can't make that better!
Now tell me, girl, what if I eat meat?

Don't want to eat meat
But I know that you don't give a damn.
Why can't you love me for who I am?
Whatever. I could change ...However,
Just tell me girl, what if I weren't me?
(Me debate, me debate)

(WOOhoo YEEhoo) I wanna getta away, Get away...
(WOOhoo YEEhoo) From all this meat debate, This meat debate...
(WOOhoo YEEhoo) I wanna get away, get away....
(WOOhoo) Yeah-ah-ah (YEEhoo)

Your Table's Not Ready

to the tune of "Just What I Needed"
by the Cars:



Your Table's Not Ready
I don't mind you eating here;
That's what a restaurant's for.
But tell me why you couldn't wait
Politely by the door?
This isn't something you decide.
None of our waiters wait that side!
I don't mind you eating here,
But please don't eat right there.

I can't read your mind from here
Here at the hostess stand.
You came in when my back was turned.
This cafe's undermanned, yeah.
It's not that we can't serve you well. No,
It's more you're there, but we can't tell.
I can't read your mind unless
I've shown you to your chair.

Won't you please wait to be seated?
(wait to be seated)
That way I'll know that you're here.
Won't you please wait to be seated?
(wait to be seated)
I can't be any more clear.

I don't mind your right to choose
Exactly where you sit, sit.
The customer is always right,
But here's what I don't get, yeah:
You sat before I saw you. Lord!
Now you complain you've been ignored.
I don't mind your right to choose,
But why not clue me in?

Won't you please wait to be seated?
(wait to be seated)
You ain't got nothing to lose.
Won't you please wait to be seated?
(wait to be seated)
While I go grab you menus?

Won't you please wait to be seated?
(wait to be seated)
You needed somewhere to feed.
Won't you please wait to be seated?
(wait to be seated)
I needed someone to lead.
Yeah, yeah, believe me.

Please wait to be seated!
Please wait to be seated!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.